The Wall

what are these emotions,
where did they come from?
how am I supposed to handle them,
do I bottle them up inside?
or speak them out?
keeping them locked up,
I wont get hurt,
there would be no chaos,
all would be well,
keeping them inside,
helps me to be more liked,
people not knowing what I really feel,
being unemotional,
lets me be kept in one piece,
not able to be broken,
but is it better?,
emotions feuding around in my head,
being stacked in places,
the captivives of my brain,
one thought after another,
all so confusing,
what one do I feel now,
or was that yesterdays emotion,
everything being mixed up,
am I hurting the people around me?
do they know who I really am?
do I even know?
emotions messing with my life,
what will happen when i let them out?
will I feel relieved?
or will I just fall?
I am at this cliff in my life,
my choice to either stay at the top,
free from the enemy,
the oppurtunity of pain and hurt,
or do I jump off this cliff?
descend in to the unknown,
somewhere new,
where I speak my mind,
I stand here with this choice,
what do I do?
building up this impentrable wall,
no one can get through,
people get a tiny piece of who I am at a time,
first getting my trust,
or do I immediately present myself as I am?
my heart aches,
if I put myself out there,
I open myself up to heartache,
more jabs thrown at me,
still I do not know what to choose,
for now I am going to keep things building up,
and have hope that the bottle doe not overflow,
or even break,
I need to heal completely,
make sure I am alright,
then maybe just maybe,
the wall will crumble,
I guess we will see,
someone to show me its okay,
okay to be vulnerable,
to express myself the way I am,
if only that would happen,
I well keep praying,
lowering the wall,
little by little......